Why Your Individual Therapy Isn't Working

Everyone loves to suggest therapy as the solution to a wide range of issues. But the truth is that not all therapy is created equal. Is your therapy actually working?

Why aren't you seeing change in your life, emotions, or relationships, despite being in therapy? Here are some of the most common reasons why therapy isn't moving the needle much.

You're just venting

While it can feel good to go to therapy to vent, and while its sometimes appropriate to just vent... Its really just like opening a pressure release valve. The pressure will continue building up unless you address the cause.

You're not connecting to your therapist

Maybe it's them, maybe it's you. But if you don't find yourself feeling fully understood by your therapist, and you don't hold on to nuggets of wisdom or connection from them either, then your work won't go very far together.

You don't have a clear goal

In order for something to work, it has to be doing a clearly defined thing. What is your therapy supposed to be doing? If you or your therapist aren't sure, you may be spinning your wheels.

You are working on a relationship alone

If a lot of your therapeutic time is spent talking about a significant relationship in your life, but that person isn't showing up any differently, things will eventually reach a ceiling of how much change is possible. There is a limit to how much individual therapy can help with a complex system like a relationship

Its a systemic issue

You can't fix systems like capitalism, racism, and sexism as an individual. If the problems in your life are largely caused by systems that you have little control over- you may have a hard time seeing change.

In this case, the more appropriate therapeutic work to do would be about grief, acceptance, and maybe around developing as an advocate against these systemic issues.

You're staying in the intellectual zone

We are so much more than our thoughts. If you're not connecting to your body or your emotions in session, its like skimming the surface of a deep pool.

You're not being honest

If you're telling your therapist about how your partner called you a name yesterday, but you left out the part where you yelled at them first, you might be getting in your own way.

*Its getting worse before it gets better*

Sometimes when we open up to emotions, traumas, or truths that we've buried for a long time, it feels awful. Therapy may feel like its not only not working, its actively making you feel bad! In this case, therapy may actually be working for you, but it may temporarily feel hard to go. Share this with your therapist and see if its worth being a little more slow or gentle with your work together.

Did I miss anything? Ever been in one of the situations I mentioned? Let me know in the comments below: